Warning! Super transparent post…
Hi, my name is Gene’a, and I’m impatient. Very.
I also suffer with anxiety which magnifies that. At this moment in my life, this VERY moment, I’m simply wondering what’s next?
I’ve grown tired and frustrated with my normal and I’ve been praying about it for what seems like…ever. And I’m not 100% sure I’ve gotten the answer or if I’m hearing God.
So much so that I’m not sure if I’m praying the “right prayer” either.
See, God has me in this space where the ball is in my hands, on my court but I still need to hear from Him on when to shoot. I’ve done things on my own in the past, never consulting God and even worse, done things out of pure emotions. My emotions have gotten me into some situations that I’d never want to relive.
Emotions are finicky. Emotions are unstable. Emotions exaggerate, complicate and sometimes stagnate.
What I’ve had to learn is that I control my emotions, they don’t control me. Also, my emotions are not to be confused with who I am as a person.
I’m allowed to be sad but that doesn’t make me a downer.
I’m allowed to frustrated but that doesn’t mean I’m a mean person nor does it give me a pass to compromise my integrity.
I’m allowed to cry but that doesn’t make me unstable or weak.
I’m writing this with hopes that it makes sense and that you know that even believers, even church goers, even the saved get shaken sometimes. Sometimes our faith is tested beyond what WE may feel is necessary. Sometimes we question God and ourselves when things look uncertain or flat out confusing.
But, our relationship with God allows us the grace and space to talk TO God about those feelings. It’s up to us to sit still long enough to hear Him clearly… Maybe we should just wait a little longer. Maybe.. He’s waiting on us to make the first step so that He knows He can trust us with the rest of the plan.
Let’s pray for one another that we see the beauty in the silence and that we rest on the fact that OUR uncertainties does not mean God is uncertain about us.
“Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!”