I Was My Hair

“Ohhhh your hair is so pretty!”

“I wish I had your texture/curl pattern!”

“How’d you get yours like that?”

…Questions I get asked A LOT about my natural hair. At almost 2 years post “big chop”, I still don’t have all the answers and I have yet to perfect my regimen like these YouTube gurus. I’ve only been able to do what my schedule and pockets allow. Just a day ago, my hair was touching the middle of my back…straightened that is. And I still had this faded red color from LAST YEAR. Everyone knows a natural’s worse nightmare is 1) Heat damage and 2) Color damage.

But this post isn’t just about my hair…

See, people would always compliment my hair on the curls or the length and I’d always say, “thank you” but in my head I’d say, “…but it’s damaged.”

I WAS my hair.

Pretty. Nice. Always smiling and laughing. Encouraging. Working hard. Loving. A good friend. A good mom. Bomb girlfriend.

But DAMAGED.

I can honestly say in the beginning, I rushed the whole natural process of my hair because I was insecure with my short fro. I couldn’t WAIT to straighten it for the first time and that red would look amazing on my coils…WRONG.

That’s how I was with my life and you’d think I’d be more careful. I rushed everything. I rushed love. I rushed my growing process. I rushed moves I had to make in order to provide. I accepted things and people that really had no place in my life. I held on to relationships that meant me no good. I held on to my past mistakes. I held on to my damaged ends.

But GOD.

God LET me hang on. It had to hurt like HELL so I had no choice but to let go. And I did. I moved. I deleted. I blocked. I forgave. I dealt. I healed. I mended. I chopped.

I got to the point where it was necessary that I do things the way God intended in the beginning. He gave me the gift of redemption and repentance and I accepted it immediately. I was given a clean slate and I’ve taken full advantage. I no longer am ashamed to face my faults or my short fro. I show my scars and I tell my stories. I walk with God in my singleness and I’m no longer desperate for affection or love. Two days ago, when I trimmed my hair, I sighed in relief. I felt good and I felt in control. That’s one thing about God, when you let HIM steer and maintain speed, He’ll let you hold the wheel too.

The loose, almost non-existent curl  and red dye are also a reminder of what the last year has been like for me so it was only right that I get rid of it. It held memories. Though the color isn’t completely gone, I’ve vowed to take care of my hair and myself more delicately. I told myself I would stick with what I know and keep my hands out AND off as much as possible. (Some low manipulation, if you will). Because though the process may be long and tedious, I know the outcome will be beautiful inside and out.

I challenge you to do the same if you haven’t already. Give you life to God and give him control. Allow Him to help you with those dead ends you’ve encountered. Submit to His will and turn from your old ways. Jesus died for this. He died for You. You don’t have to stay damaged.

WITH LOVE.

2 thoughts on “I Was My Hair

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